The Edge of Glory

So, everyday since my official 'retirement' as a student have been packed. I think there was only one day that I actually stayed home the entire day. Can't help that mummy hates me once in a while. I still love her to bits. Sent her flowers on Mothers' Day knowing that she would say "Wa how much is this why you always waste money ahhhh" but knew that she would be sekretly happy.

Set up flea market stall with S on Saturday. It was mega awesome cos we realized whatever we do, wherever we go, there're bound to be fail moments. I love her to bits. For being the most spontaneous friend ever. (We agreed to have the flea stall on Thursday and decision made, money paid and all set in 5 minutes) As spontaneous as we are, we are extremely last minute people as well. Cos we were frantically searching for a clothes rack at 1:30pm. Tried Cold Stone Creamery and didn't get what the hype was all about.

Took a bus ride to bukit panjang with Skips. I missed the times we had long, random talks about life, ourselves and people in our lives [: And last week at the newly renovated and very haps looking Clementi Mall, the whole group of us were talking about Mell's not-so-distant wedding and deciding on activities for Hen's Night and the color of the dresses the jie-meis would be wearing. We've come so far and became friends for a decade. And counting (:

Bangkok in less than a week and the States in about 2 weeks! Going to be mad broke after all these traveling but i heart plane rides and travels.

Clubbed too much this year, this sem. But Singapore just bores me to the core. Still trying to get my life together and unless I feel that I've got it right, I'd remain like this. I'm happy I'm sure of what I want and where I wanna be. So just give me time, let me chance upon it. Meanwhile I get to party [: Down side is, my alcohol tolerance has been improving like a steep curve. It srsly sucks to be the last one standing every time. & puking is the best feeling on Earth cos I would feel like I've purged all the toxins in me. Up side being I know that my friends would be safe with me. Time to reciprocate cos I've always being the one being taken care of. All the bloody damn while. I love you friends. For cleaning vomit, waiting hours outside bathrooms etc. I really do <3

Sometimes I hate those accurate vibes I get from people and situations. (I'm also extremely sure I'd live to hate what I just said) I just feel less innocent once I get those thoughts. And it's not like I can help it.

Every step I take I leave room for excuses for myself to use. I never wanna be the bad guy. ok, girl. So it isn't easy to get signals from me. Cos I hardly ever give out any. And if it ever crossed your mind, I will never ever give out wrong signals. So when in doubt, assume negative [:

And a very significant part of my extremely happy life now is that THE AIR CONDITIONER IS NOT WORKING. ):

HI DAFF...Y!

"Why didn't I get to know you earlier?"

"You'd better be my damn awesome friend forever!"

"hahaha. DAFF?"

"Let's add a YO, like I'm your damn awesome friend forever yo. makes it DAFFY."

"Like DAFFY DUCK? HAHAHA. STOP MAKING ME LOL to my screen! It's 4am and people are staring!"

((((:

Bulletproof

It's indeed surreal that I'm heading to the States for Graduation Trip. It was like BAMbamBAMWHOA. But YEAH! We're going to the US of A :D

I guess mummy only had 2 days to change her game plan. Cos in the end, I booked my tickets before I got a job. Yeh, will be more pro-active now. PROMISE.

I think everything is just the way I want it right now? Maybe? Or maybe not. Since Lund, I've always felt being back home bores the hell of me that makes me who I am. I probably prefer the person I was in Lund. Going on Skype to screamshoutrant if something bothered me. Here, it's much unhealthier.

It's Week 7 & I haven't written a single shit for CP, or FYP as everyone knows it. ggxxttm. I'm such an optimist sometimes that I hate myself. At this point, I still have absolute faith of producing a mind-blowin' jaw-droppin' CP report & presentation in Week 13. But I also love that my optimism is contagious to some extent.

That day in the car, when our voices and laughter drowned the music from the radio, it was a really happy moment and I was really glad for friends like J and L.

Life points me in the wrong direction at times cos it stops me from truly feeling cos I'm afraid of losing.

I remember something bestest once told me. That when too much output is from one side it's unhealthy cos it tips the friendship balance. That's why he's bestest & nobody can beat that cos our balance was never tipped. But cos nothing is constant and although it never tipped, it kind of disappeared altogether.

Let the Rain, Wash Away, all the Pain of Yesterday

Some rather ancient clubbing photos went up on Facebook and as we were attempting to privatize the album cos it may be career-wrecking to some extent, I gave up half-way and told S: Think Ke$ha - We R Who We R.

WHO'STHAT?

cos you're like the fair sky on a cloudless day,

& i'm like the thunderstorm & sweltering heat.

so special you make the heart break

when many happy days thousands of days ago couldn't match up to the mere physical presence of another, i can only conclude that it was only once special.

back then, we loved After Darks (:

chuck bass you're too cute

bear with me for this extremely fangirlish post. but i chanced upon this awesome tumblr sexwick.tumblr.com and i couldn't stop looking at dear chuck bass. his hair looked the best in season one. longer and with the tinge of brown. in season 3 he act serious luh. but still look as hot as anyone could be. & when people like him cracks a smile, you feel like smiling too (:

seriously, how can any one look so good?!

alright, no more fangirling. but there's no more gossip girl till march of something. by then i'll be in freezingcold sweden. 23 days to LUND. it's getting nearer. and the preparation is driving everyone nuts. sometimes i make people worry but i believe that despite my sluggishness & disorganisation, everything will eventually fall into place somehow. thanks to the amazing people around me (:

& time is always not on my side. i feel like im out everyday but how come i still have to sacrifice one gathering for another? s

one27, 2twentyseven & almost three27. i can vaguely remember all that was said and done. all was fine until i took a step forward and i had a dream the same night. KZ. being the cause of my dreams isn't anything good because they're regarded as nonsense. rubbish.

& sometimes the things you realise your looking forward to are indeed quite surprising. i hope i dont screw up again. i don't wanna pick up any pieces and remember, i am absolutely sure of what i do not want.

im not emo haha

“But don’t you think”, I persist, “that it’s better to be extremely happy for a short while, even if you lose it, than to be just okay for your whole life?”

— Clare Abshire, The Time Traveler’s Wife

an amazing book and a quite awesome movie. and the line reminded me of a phone conversation, something which i so dearly miss. i wonder if this period of latency can bring back a particular period of time when i enjoyed most. when everything was as good as i could've imagined. & we could sit and talk and laugh. about our future, our hopes and fears and our dreams. of random family happenings and squabbles. gossip of every sort. talking about our own friends and their problems. raising our voices a little whenever we disagreed. laughing at our silly persistence over the same old thing over and over again. and your listening because i needed someone to. your story telling, also because i wanted you to. simply because i was bored and felt that i had been talking non-stop. that's also because i wanted to talk myself. being me i never hesitated to speak my mind. and also to think before i spoke. it's a blessing that you also hardly hesitated to agree to my mindless, random and sometimes, out of the mind requests. and the one memorable time just being there was more than enough. because you didn't ask, you didn't probe but you were just there made so much of a difference cos that was all i needed then. & of cos lovers break up and friends drift apart, i believe we'll achieve our hopes and dreams and ambitions and overcome obstacles because we want it enough to do it.

transient

the most heartwarming things come from the simplest words.

recently i realised it's not easy to maintain friendships.

friendships which over time, meant a lot to me.

mebbe i should just be contented with whatever i have.

i don't know if i've tried hard enough, but i've tried. and i stopped.

it's the change in intensity that makes the difference. there are people i talk to often, but not everyday. somehow you never felt that those friendships ever change.

reality sucks. and indeed, the heart soon forgets what the eye sees not.

and may the unhealthy reliance be gone for good.

the sun the sea the banglas and the halloween ghosts

and yes, nothing changed when the clock struck twelve on twelfth of oktober.
except for a somewhat supplies call. and the many textes filled with well wishes.
thank you friends for all celebrations big and small.
this is the most awesomest birthday ever. and a 21st is supposed to be a little more special than all the past birthdays. but it wasn't just a little. my 21st was a whole HUGEBIGOMOGOUS special one with all you special people in my life.
<3 <3

they've got all the right moves and all the wrong faces

because of who you are, you can surprise people with the tiniest bit of thoughtfulness. THAT'S CHUCK BASS for you. gossip girl is going to ruin my life cos i've got many deadlines looming.

lund is very exciting and yet im scared. of all the uncertainties. I'M BRAVE AND I'LL DO JUST FINE.

since then, nothing much has changed and sea lion talk is like a prolonged msn convo. i get it now that to some people, your always the one talking and sharing; and to others, your always the one being there and listening.

and of cos im trying to fix things that i've broken. or i think i might have caused cracks in it. im trying but it's very frustrating. but for all it's worth. for the past 6 years and counting.

:@

haha you see, we're all worried.
whether you're drunk or sober, you still make us worry.

im so troublesome! thank you everybody, who have been troublesomed by me in one way or another. and i never learn. thank goodness there're always people around me to prevent my out-of-control moments.

no more inbox full of _____ :@
:@ is like you stuff a lollipop stuck in the mouth. cannot talk. confirm angry.
then must wait for it to melt. waste time and feel gw. confirm very angry.

#183.

Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it’s all over.

-- Gloria Naylor

#179.

I MISS YOU FRIEND. i dont miss miss you. i just miss the old you. not fair. why am i always the one staying the same and other people do not.

studying and preparing for the last paper has been a big failure. HOHO. i had NINE days to prepare. and all i did was to facebook, online shop and even go shopping! hahaha terrible. i promise from the minute i blog this post, i'm gonna be conscientious, diligent funshine (: and talking about that, the facebook care bears quiz refuses to let me be funshine, despite my many attempts heh. auds told me perhaps they didnt even have funshine has one of their options. then the quiz maker is horrible, shouldn't even make such a quiz luhhh. what's a carebear quiz without funshine. and facebook doesn't have a fan page for funshine!!!! why ): i wanna become a fan. dumbo's a fan of dumbo who'll fly me to funshine yeyyy.

from study week till now, i think i spent about 200+ on online shopping. i deserve to be scolded. when has studying become so expensive. aiiiiiii. anyway i <3 the wallet heeheeheehee. so pretty and flowery hahahaha. i bet jeremin is gonna say im auntie again or something. but whey, it's from accessorizeuk ok!

was at suntec yesterday and traffic was !@#$%^&*(). taxi drivers were @#$%^&*( ^100000000. haha and nope, i wasn't there for AWARE. had to send and wait for ahma to finish watching her concert at the convention hall. soooo many aunties there!

sometimes i amaze myself. i haven't blogged like this in a long time hahaha feels funny. so not subtle i don't like. okayyy, time to be diligent me.

#177.

EXPECTATIONS.
bring friendships to their graves.

With every step you take, you expect a step to be taken towards you.

And taking the first step doesn't mean doing everything first. (you think competition ah? i neverrrr)

So what is your step forward?
Maybe now to take a step forward means to take a step backwards.
(So now your gonna say your doing that huh)

But letting it rest doesn't mean stop showing concern stop doing this stop doing that.
It means just expecting less, stop tiring yourself over thoughts of this.
Cos your not gonna pretend that he or she doesn't exist. That's beyond you.

hello im actually doing a summary of some wise advice by madame wise the pots :P
im so glad im feeling so much better now.

you know tonight was a night of talking about drifting aparts, doing a B.N and disappearing out of each others lives. ALL the convos. except the one with hot air balloon opearator.

lousy night.

and i can't say im glad i went for trng.
remember i once said that warmth in school is found at the pool?

i take that back.

#172.

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.
“Pooh!” he whispered.
“Yes, Piglet?”
“Nothing,” said Piglet, taking Pooh’s paw.
“I just wanted to be sure of you.”


and i learnt a new word - sidle.
reminds me of siddy. heh
anyway, it means to move sideways.
haven't been studying very much. very distracted online during the exam period.
see, i blog more than i usually do. yada yada..
but i do go back to dear macroecons. urban planning's gonna be a woohoo supplies and see what i can churn out with my notes in two hours on a tuesday morning.
star awards on tv later. too much to resist.
i'll sit in front of the tv with my notes.

#170.

special is:

same same but different.

bestest and his LITMUS TEST.
so funnnnny. acidic = remains pink, alkaline = turns blue. correct?
hahaha so is it supposed to be pink or blue then!
aye i remember there's one more test which bleached the litmus paper or something! turns white!! i want that more extremmmmmme.

and i hope this has arrived and is with you already!
see, the goodlucks have been filled to the brim (though you can't see it).
but you know it cos EIGHT wheels are needed to move the whole truck (:

#168.

hello you. sometimes your so annoying that i get angry.
but of course, the anger dissipated after a while.
then it comes to a point that nothing can move my calm.
ha! mebbe this is called getting used to.
how awesome.
and SUPAAA SADLY, i do not understand you. at all.

hello you. im glad you've been there all these while.
like how a true constant should be.
and of course, YOU'LL BE AWESOME LATER THEY'LL LURRRRRVE YOOOOU.
as much as i do! haha!
i sent the good luck truck back yesterday, im sure it's already in the heart of our CBD area right now. the truck can pass thru walls and people. it's gonna stay with you throughout (:

hello you. i think we're back into the same old phase of 'drifting'. i do not blame you of course. this is how you are. your theories and principles.

hello you. we haven't seen each other in such a long time. despite such close proximity everyday. the only part of you i see is your car in the carpark. but i know your another constant in my life, always there. we'll see each other soon. next week i hope. buried in books and notes in the library with chocolate candies cookies biscuits and lunch at our favourite stall. and yes, this is public declaration for a date miss lim.

hello you. your old and wise and all-knowing. you know me best despite me whining and talking rubbish half the time. you told me sleeping can lose weight. that was so funny. but now cannot sleep luh. later cannot study finish leh! study for now, leave the biggest part of us by itself. it'll come back if everyone wants it to.

hello ME, back to finance!

#166.

i'm happy to wake up at 1:12pm today (:

yesterday was a horribly long and tiring day.
i drove to and fro on ECP six times yesterday.
haha yes, that's crazy. despite it being my favourite expressway.

supper @ mee sua place with some of the crooks.
manly's hilarious love stories!

and when i was sending her back, we were travelling on the expressway with the windows winded down, wind blowing, could hardly hear each other,

left: AYE (city)
right: AYE (jurong)

i headed for the left one. abit into it,

Y: o no. im sending you back. must go the jurong one.
(stops in the middle of the expressway)

S: o ya how ah...

Y: do you think can reverse?
(both NOTICING around, realising PIE was really, absolutely vehicle-less, though afraid that one might appear suddenly)

S: i think just reverse la no car anyway.
(SEE, encouragement)

Y: okay, we reverse. very exciting. hahaha reverse on expressway.
(engage reverse gear, step on accelerator)

S: hahahahahahaha.

#165.

my dream yesterday got you.

haha so was it a good dream or a bad one?

haha bad.

huh what did i do?

you died.

kz haha then were you very sad in the dream?

haha sekret.