#121.

im sooooo tired.


and so distracted.


i've learnt many things over the year that has just passed. and one of them is that some feelings, some emotions can be ignored. you feel it but you shall leave it aside and everything shall be fine (:



i know that my eyes are gonna shut anytime but im beginning to have this idea to torture myself. like more mental and physical torture will do me alot of good. and recently i tire so easily so i've decided that i shall conserve my energy by talking less so that i can do more. dont worry, im still your happy bubbly loud and noisy funshine. its just at times. like times like this when im tired and thinking about life in general.



ignore ignore and everything's fine.



i just read some of my past blog posts. and i realised that this is really a new phase of life. i've got to do more to keep it going. i think i havent really gotten used to it.


excerpts from old posts, which serve as reminders (: be it for polo for studies for people and for the good of all mankind. HAHAHA.




perhaps there's really only this much i can do.and there's always something you have to give up, to achieve a greater thing and to make everyone happy. even if it's at the expense of your own.




and im blessed with so many great friends, my parents and my bro in my life that i feel that im always on the receiving end of their love and concern without giving anything in return. am so angry with myself to snap at people for no reason whatsoever and finding it so hard to say or type a word of sorry.




anyway, was thinking how exciting Good Friday was back in ij kellock. we had our annual easter egg hunt. teachers will hide hard-boiled eggs wrapped in aluminium foil decorated with a certain color for each level. say, yellow for primary ones and blue for primary twos and so on. yep, so the whole school of girls in nice blue pinafores will be searching high and low for the egg of the right color :D and when you find one, you go to your teacher and you'd get a caramel filled chocolate easter bunny! wonder if they still practise this now. i miss ij! but sadly to say, i have never found any easter egg in my 6 years of easter egg hunting :P




and you watch the green man turning into a grey man.




my sunshine has never changed. i dont think it ever will. my sunshine is special la (:




we believe there are parts which are genuine. always. and i've never doubted. even up till now.




and like what huiwen tagged, i've been updating my blog for all the wrong reasons.i guess when im happy, im so busy indulging in all that happiness. not that happy things arent blog worthy, but they tend to be etched deeply so those need not be blogged.




you know, i used to think the best protection for yourself is to not know so much. even if you do, try not to understand that much. i wont probe. because i like grey areas. im happy in all that little grey areas.




but well. i realised that's not the best protection anymore. as much as i wanna remain like how i used to be, i dont think i can. it'd be so pretentious la.




one fine day susan asked me where has my decisiveness gone to. i told her ive always been decisive because im impulsive. and i still believe that impulse drives things, and you need that drive to make the world go round.



and come on yingxia you know who cares about you and who doesnt!