#134.

never should have chosen to be happy; never should have.

that is, if we were even happy.

to tell the truth, i liked our status. unofficial. no expectations. i have someone to think about, to worry about and to text whenever i need to. and someone to spoil me, you know, making me the centre of attention. these weren't expectations. they came naturally and you know it. you say nice-ness is a bonus for friends. i agree. that's why i liked how we were. no obligations.

we were happy.

but obviously i know we were simply delaying something which was inevitable.

because we were happy, comfortably happy, i chose to delay. of cos you didn't know i felt that way. and i didn't know how much harm this delay would cause. but it has to come one day.

i think we got sick of each other. gradually. we weren't so happy anymore.

i mean, friends don't see each other that often. that's why there is something known as Friends Forever.

how can we ever be Friends Forever when we see each other at least five times a week. when we're... well, just friends.

so came the inevitable. i still can't figure who got sick of who first. or perhaps we both felt tired. on my part, it might be the expectations surfacing. when i knew i had expectations, i also figured it was time to let things go. firstly cos friends shouldn't have too much of those. secondly and most importantly, you were fucking afraid of expectations.

have you heard of No Friends After Breakup? see, we were never really friends. its amazing how things progressed after It. and i wonder if you actually believed it might work. i never did. but i was happy and comfortable with you around. so i thought why not.

but i was right all along, wasn't i?

we = NO CONCLUSION.

and we never will have.

cos you don't want one.

and you've got to wake up from the past. and stop thinking too much about the future. WHERE'S THE PRESENT?

see, we're so different. i'm such a live by the moment kind of person. again, it's amazing how we could spend so much happy comfortable times together.

i hate how you're linked to my most favourite thing on earth now. but i still wish you could be there for us. for professional reasons of course.

on the personal basis, unless a miracle happens, we'll never be the same again. ever. cos you knew i would only say Sorry if i really meant it. so you should never have said I Love You if you didn't mean it.

and of course, stop saying that you meant it at that moment.

come on, i've got too many fleeting moments in my life. i believe i know how such moments are like. don't even try to defend.

yup, and this is how i got over the whole damn thing.

feeling angry.

feel that there's no fucking worth in even saving the friendship cos you don't seem to care at all.

good job funshine.

and i could only leave funshine with you. like really leave it with you.