#127.

that day in the cinema,
alex: haha as if you'll be led on like that.
me: yea of course not.

but after that, i mentally went thru our convo again, mebbe i shouldnt have answered him that quickly. but okay, i know why he actually said that cos i've always been the clear headed one. who can go into something and get out of it fast enough without getting myself too involved and affected and much less, get hurt. and frankly, i've always thought that i was this sort of person.

because afterall, i decide who i want to be.

anyway, im glad we had that convo. even though it meant seemingly nothing but at least it reminded me that i might have failed being the person i wanna be. failure to a small extent.

and alright, im semi being sucked in again. if you get what i mean. but at the same time, there's someone pulling me back. its not a very direct pull but i guess the pull has always been there. all along. im not sure if it means anything. but anyhows. i insist that i like all the grey areas in my life, still (: just like before.

and im also glad that i was reminded of all the terrible days. i dunno why but i tend to usually think of the happier happenings. so its good to have something to trigger those bad thoughts once in a while. keeps you sane you know. you cant be happy all the time.

im so tired. canoe polo is finally getting to me. the commitment thing. its because im so ill-disciplined you see. and bestest just reminded me that uni is seriously the all-that-counts factor. and the previous week was disgusting cos i had so little sleep, merely because of a day's worth of tutorials. and when i have the luxury of time to sleep, i dont enjoy it. damn.

and today i was reminded that our first competition will stretch right to the start of exams. so if my not-very-impressive cap drops further i'll have no excuse to train so often anymore. so if there's no cap of 4.0 then i cant use the excuse that polo isnt affecting my studies anymore.

on a random note, i wanna watch maroon 5 in concert!